Hair
by Tono Radish
Summary: After a long and unfulfilling life Shadis finally gives up on his dream of being special or anything at all. He'll simply run his hospital and hand it over to Erwin one day. Then what... die alone? He's fine with that until the cute but gender ambiguous Hange decides to make it know just how much they like Shadis.
1. Nobodies

**I'm the kind of person who hits a desert of writer's block and then suddenly- in the car- in the shower- in the middle of class- I get an idea. Here's the idea.**

Shadis had awoken to the sun streaming through his window and onto his face. He was on his couch in the living room of his one bedroom apartment. He falls asleep here quite often; his tan more than likely comes from the sun streaming in on his sleeping face. Call him a creature of habit because that's what he is. He rolled off the couch and onto the floor and looked around before walking into his bathroom to get a good look at himself. Dark circles under the eyes, even deeper wrinkles in his skin than the day before, and… baldness. That's right, he's hitting that age where unlucky men lose all of their hair… Actually he hit that age a while ago.

"Get it together Keith, you're balding- not dying," he tells himself, turning on the shower.

He had another full schedule today at the hospital he runs. With his leading surgeon, Grisha, leaving for missionary work he's had to fill in for the hours. When he really thought about it his hospital was understaffed. Perhaps he should open a station for interns or announce the hospital was hiring? Even a new nurse would be of help. Shadis finished undressing and put work thoughts out of his head. The shower was a time for peace, a time to relax, a time to admire the shampoo bottle still left inside. Shadis had lost all of his hair about four years ago- stress- age- genetics- no matter the reason he still was without hair but he couldn't come to terms with it so he left his shampoo in the shower. Sometimes, when the summer winds rush past him, he can close his eyes and feel the phantom follicles still there. Out of his mind or otherwise Shadis decided today would be the day he finally throws away that near empty bottle of shampoo.

The man hurried up and took his shower in the least sexy way. He dried himself off and reached for the hairdryer. He wondered why he hadn't thrown this out either? He set the hairdryer down, deciding that was too big a step for today and instead reached for his trimming scissors. He maintained the topiary and shining relic of the time long ago when he was a hairy man. Yes, Keith Shadis had a tuft of confidence on his chin. He took great care of that chin hair- for the most part he didn't even have eyebrows. This last patch of hair above his shoulders was very precious to him.

Keith finished his basic morning hygiene routine and got dressed. While he wasn't poor he wasn't into spending copious amounts of money on himself. His flat was modest, his clothes were modest, and even he, as of late, had become modest. He could remember a time of obsession where he longed to be special, whatever that really meant. He had no idea what he was reaching for but it lead him to building the hospital. Then one day he realized he would never be special, he would never truly stand out, and he fell into a short depression followed by his current state. He wasn't unhappy, but he wasn't happy either. At least now he accepts how pointless he is and how he'll die alone. It's not even a sad thought for him, it's just the way things are and those things don't bother him anymore.

What did bother him was that shampoo bottle he took out of the shower with him. He had set it on the kitchen counter and engaged in a staring contest with it. It won. Figures, he couldn't even win against a half empty shampoo bottle.

"I'll throw it out later," he reasoned with himself, leaving it on the counter before leaving his home.

He drove to a local café near his hospital. Maybe he was self-indulgent after all? He had more or less made it a habit to go there every morning for coffee and whatever pastry. He realized in that moment that he wasn't self-indulgent but he had actually made a habit of going there.

"Morning Shadis," he was greeted by their part time worker, Hange.

Hange was completely genderless. Shadis had known them for months now and still had no clue, not that he cared either way. Hange was a college student who was always very chatty with him. Today's question of the day:

"Hey, how old are you?"

"Again with the questions, Hange," he sighed as the he/she brewed his coffee.

"You come in here a lot and I'm curious."

"Alright, are you a boy or a girl? Answer me and I'll tell you my age."

Hange only laughed their androgynous laugh, "You look older today, is it your birthday?"

"No, it's not."

"Well happy birthday anyway."

"Why?"

"For all the ones I missed. How many might that be?"

"Good try," he conceded.

"Maybe you're so old you actually lost count," they laughed some more.

"Don't push it kid."

Hange finished their frittering about behind the counter and gave Shadis his coffee and pastry of the day. That was Hange's idea, who was rather tired of handing the older man the same thing all the time. Hange was different, Hange had no habits.

"How much do I owe you," Shadis asked, taking a sip of the life water blacker than the bags under his eyes.

"A life debt," Hange joked.

"You took your sweet time making this so I'm running late."

"Fine. How about a phone number?"

Shadis didn't even humor the kid, he simply took out a ten, "Here. Keep the change."

The genderless human inspected the bill longer than protocol, which kind of pissed Shadis off.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just thought you might have craftily put your phone number on it."

"Goodbye Hange."

"See you at halftime," they waved him goodbye as the next customer finally was able to order. They weren't greeted with half the cheer Shadis got.

Shadis sat in his car and looked at the cup Hange gave him, their number scrawled out on the hot paper. He sighed, what did Hange want anyway? Why did they keep making those weird jokes? He laughed to himself as he caught his reflection in the rear view mirror. If he were Erwin he'd chalk it up as yet another love confession, but he isn't Erwin. Erwin is special. Shadis shook his head, he was over that now. He was content being nobody. He really looked at himself again, a glare as cold as the floor of his apartment in winter and he forgot to wear socks to bed. His stare is as icy as the toilet seat in the morning when he goes to take a shit. Anyone who randomly passed him would just assume he was as emotionless and tough as a bag of frozen peas. But Shadis wasn't like that- well he was- but he was also human. He has a human heart that beats and bleeds and pumps oxygen through his body. Even if it's another one of Hange's jokes he wished they'd just stop already. He has feelings too.

He started up his car and drove to the hospital a little ways down the road. It was nice. It wasn't some massive Red Cross institution but it was sizeable and it had the best staff like… ever. Shadis parked his car and walked in through the front door. He was greeted by Nurse Petra, a pretty girl with an ugly ass boyfriend, Aruro. Shadis often wondered how trash like him scored ass like her. Perhaps it was his full head of hair? The world is so unkind.

"Good morning, Commander," Doctor Smith walked in, shining like grease on bacon- and damn did he bring home the bacon if you know what I mean.

"Doctor Shadis is fine, Erwin. Even Keith doesn't bother me at this point," the older man was slightly blinded by the vision before him.

"Of course, so, how are things with the Jeagers?"

"We're at work, please be professional," Keith groaned as they walked through the halls.

"I just figured with Grisha out of town now would be the opportune time to get professional with Carla?"

"When will you give it up, you merciless and calculating bastard?"

Erwin smiled then, the most perfect smile beyond imagination, "when you give up, I'll give up."

"I already have given up, dumb ass."

"Then why are you still alone? You haven't gone on a date since… hold on… have you ever gone on a date?"

"Plenty," Shadis deadpanned.

"Well?"

"We're at work, be professional."

"We still have time. Hey, why don't we go to this cool bar I know after work? I bet you'd do well there. It's dark so you won't have to worry about the glare of lights shining off your beacon of a scalp."

"Erwin you just want an excuse to go see Levi," Shadis groaned, already exhausted from talking.

"So you've seen through me again. I hope I'm half as sharp as you when I'm you're age."

"And here I thought you'd be young forever."

"Well there is charm in a distinguished grey."

"Maybe all your hair will fall out too," Shadis grinned.

Erwin beamed, "With brows as thick as mine, I'll never be bald."

It's super effective! Shadis was knocked out! Erwin used a full HP revive on his commander who chased him off to get to work. Erwin only agreed when Shadis gave into his demands. It seems they would be going out to the bars tonight. Shadis closed the door to his office behind him and fell into his chair. Whatever, he was craving a beer anyhow. Maybe he would get completely obliterated tonight, score some random cutie, and regret his life the next morning. He does that anyway. Who was he kidding? He would go, watch Erwin get his mack on and then go home after two drinks no problem. Shadis looked at the paper work waiting for him and sighed, he wasn't feeling it.

Instead he took a good and long sip of his coffee, "hmm?"

He took another drink and really let it settle, "It's pretty good today."

 **Yeah, chapter 1 of what I'm sure is the only Shadis x Hange fanfic. I've been obsessed with these 2 for a few days and I can't find anything so I hope you like it. Also, here's a bonus scene I didn't include but thought was kind of funny. REVIEW!**

 _"There's a line," barked the irritated customer after Shadis, who just left btw, "I've been waiting forever!"_

 _"Do you wanna know on average how much time humans waste waiting in their lives?"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _"We'll keep wasting time until I score those digits," Hange grinned, the light glaring on their glasses, causing the frames to go white in the creepiest way._

 _"Uh… I'll just have a double espresso."_


	2. Blondies

**In terms of Hange and Shadis. Originally I wanted to write a fic set in canon but with the way things are between them and the rest of the world I just don't see it happening. Shadis still has a lot of emotional issues that I doubt he'll ever be able to sort through. Hange may have a passing love for him but saving humanity will always come first… and nothing kills a boner like prior obligations. Will Hange and Shadis ever be canon? I don't think so- not without them being OOC in the manga. So this fic ended up being an AU. Anyway, here's chapter 2.  
**

It was around lunchtime now and Shadis decided to head down to the hospital cafeteria for food, as was his habit, when he got a call from the front desk. A Hange Zoe here to see him. He sighed and looked at the clock on the wall… Five minutes. He's giving that kid five minutes to talk and then boi out. Then again they've never shown up to his work before, maybe it was important? Knowing Hange it wasn't important. 

He sat back in his chair behind his desk and spun it to look out the large window behind him. It overlooked the parking lot and a few other miscellaneous buildings and he could see a small park not too far off. He watched the trees across the street sway. It really was a nice day today. 

_"Grisha please! You have to save her!"  
_

Shadis sighed. He had been in love with Carla for all of his adult life. She worked in the library at their college. By the end of his third year, her first, he had read every book on the first floor. By the end of his senior year, her sophomore, he had read every book in the library. At first all they did was chatter about books and classes but then things became more serious… they'd talk about her favorite TV shows. She was into some really weird stuff; she was obsessed with shonen anime. He had no idea what she was talking about most of the time but he was fine, just the sound of her voice was enough for him. By the time he had graduated he was ready to marry her… but he never said anything about it. Why had he never said anything about it? He still wonders.

It was a little after he graduated; he got a job in the office of a medical institute. It wasn't very interesting but he needed to pay his dues before getting to the real work of running his own hospital. He had known Grisha Jeager for a while now; it was how he got this job. The man was two years older than him but he was already a top physician. To be honest, the hospital was Jeager's dream, not Shadis'. Still Shadis had no problem helping him run it. Shadis knew the business and Jeager knew the medicine. It was a good set up. Naturally Grisha would have been introduced to Carla once or twice due to the amount of time he and Grisha spent together working and the like. By the time they had signed the last paper work for their hospital building blue print bill thinngs, Grisha was ready to marry Calra. Grisha did marry Carla. 

It was a day like this one Keith got the text from Carla. A nice, warm, and breezy day where it seemed nothing bad could happen. She had stayed up for 4 days straight and barely ate or moved. She was marathoning One Piece and was finally about to kill over. He went to her as quickly as humanly possible, maybe even faster. He dragged her ass to the hospital where he begged Grisha to save her and the older man gladly put that Otaku bitch on life support. Once she was stable again Grisha allowed Keith to go and see her. 

"Carla… Was it worth it?" He asked. 

She smiled, her complexion grey, "totally." 

Grisha really works fast. Within a month or her hospital discharge they were dating, within a year they were engaged, soon enough they were married. Keith remembered being invited to the wedding. He wasn't even the best man or anything. He didn't expect to be but the thought would have been nice. He remembered how Carla looked that day. Maybe it was his own weakness, maybe it was a habit he formed, but he just couldn't be upset with Carla for choosing Grisha over him. Maybe what really bothered him was that he could never choose anyone over Carla? Now Keith has grown old into Shadis, with deep and angry wrinkles, sunken in black eyes, and he's lost all of his hair. He was never a prize but he at least figured he wouldn't die alone. Now what? He could die today or in a few years and he's alone. Who would ever-

His thoughts are cut off when he hears a knocking- more like banging- on the door. 

"YO SHADIS! MY MAIN MAN SHADIS! LET A BROTHA FROM ANOTHA MOTHA IN!" 

"Good God Hange, knock like a human being," he scolded, getting up and opening the door, "and it was open." 

The genderless mass had a bag from the café where they worked, "Yo, yo, sweet office." 

"What do you want?" 

"Can't one friend come to see another friend when they have awesome news?" 

"You've never come here before, I thought maybe you finally broke your neck or something." 

"Very funny," they grinned, "my robotics team won first place in the regionals and we're going to nationals. The judges were so impressed, they had never seen an automaton capable of such intense 3D Maneuvers." 

"Congratulations, I guess," Shadis had no idea what they were talking about. 

"So, we're all going out to party and I wanted you to come with as my plus one." 

"Are you kidding? I'm a little old for pump it up." 

"Good guess, but we're going to a bar to pick up chicks- and don't think you can define my gender with that as some kind of clue." 

"How old are you?" 

"I'll be twenty four next month. How old are you?" 

"I'll never tell," Shadis dramatically said, this androgynous imp's hype being infectious. He catches himself getting caught up, "what's in the bag?" 

"A gift for you, I saw it and I just had to bring it over. Aren't I just amazing?" 

Shadis only stared at them with half lidded eyes, "That's a loaded question." 

Hange pulled out a blonde wig for coconut heads and stuck it on Shadis's baldhead. They adjusted the strands and stepped back to admire their handy work. 

"My, my, look at you Mr. Handsome," they remarked, taking a picture, showing him. 

"I look like a fucking moron." 

"Language," they faked offense. 

Shadis ripped the wig off his head and started to shove Hange out, "if that's all you came for then please leave. I'm a very busy old, balding man."

"Balding, but you're already bald?" 

"Get out Hange," he tried slamming the door on them. 

They blocked the door with their foot, "JUST TELL ME IF YOU'RE COMING TONIGHT!"

"I HAVE PLANS NOW LEAVE!" 

"IS IT A DATE!?" 

"IS THAT IMPORTANT!?" 

"TELL ME AND I'LL RUN INTO THE SUNSET IN TEARS!" 

"THEN YES, IT'S A DATE! NOW LEAVE!" 

And with that Hange sighed and left. Before Shadis could close the door Erwin poked his head into the office. Does this guy know how to teleport or something? 

"Date?" He asked with a shit-eating grin. 

"I was talking about drinks with you. I just said whatever to get Hange out of here, they're too loud." 

"I'll pick you up around nine then, sweety." 

"Please asphyxiate yourself, Dr. Smith."

"Oh, buy me dinner first." 

Shadis slammed the door on Erwin and basically the rest of the hospital. He slumped into his chair- his lunch hour almost up. He looked at the wig on his desk and put it on again. He pulled out a mirror from his desk, one he used to use to keep tabs on his daily hair loss- now collecting dust. He admired himself in the mirror. 

"Maybe not as a blonde but this could be a good look for me."

 **I'm so done with this story. Lol jk, but I'm writing this and I'm like "yeah, the serious drama of a man in his middle ages facing the rest of his life alone" and then I actually read what I wrote and it's like "hi my name is, what my name is, who my name is S-S-S-SHADIS BABY!" Review and I'll write faster.**


	3. Drinkers

**It came up that last chapter someone thought Erwin was wearing a wig and we went over it and decided that in a beautiful world Erwin got a bad hair cut like Connie and basically wore a wig so no one would notice… but everyone knows it's a wig and one day he's walking serious faced down the halls and its lopsided and everyone knows it's lopsided but no one has the heart to tell him and it's just there and everyone feels awkward. Erwin seems to always know everything so I like when people put him in the dark. Haha. Here's the next chapter.**

"So that boy/girl that came by today-" 

Shadis cut Erwin off as they walked to the parking lot, "They work at the café down the street and they always try to talk to me. I can assure you, they'll never come to the hospital again." 

Erwin laughed, "That's a shame, they were cute." 

"Hange? Cute?" 

"Of course, they so obviously have a crush on you." 

"You're joking." 

"Not this time, they had that same look in their eyes and shrill in their voice as everyone who's ever looked at me." 

"I think that's the most roundabout compliment you've ever given yourself," Shadis applauded. 

They got into Shadis' car and Erwin gave him directions to the bar. The drive was quiet at first. Shadis found himself wondering how long he had actually known Erwin. The man had been one of the first applicants for a job when the hospital was finally built. The Erwin he met then and the one he knew now were very different. The first Erwin was very suave yet serious. He was a practiced surgeon and specialized in the treatment of pulmonary (lung) conditions and diseases. The first time they played chess together Erwin won by a landslide. Erwin would probably hold his own against Grisha, he wasn't sure if they had ever played together. But this Erwin, the kind of guy who'd say he got into lung studies simply because he's been told he "takes my breath away" one too many times… were they really the same? Erwin used to be so respectful but now he treats Shadis like a younger brother… Which also irritated Shadis because he was considerably older. 

"I think you should give Hange another thought, they really seemed to like you," Erwin butted in once more. 

"That's impossible, if I were you then sure but I'm not. I'm old and I have these bags under my eyes." 

"You forgot to mention you've gone completely bald."

Shadis ignored that one. Was he getting so used to the bald remarks he didn't hear them anymore? Was that a good or a bad thing? 

"Keith… You really are over Carla right?" 

Keith almost crashed the car, "Of course." 

Erwin didn't say anything after that. His only commentary from there were directions. Shadis didn't have to wonder what Erwin was asking or why he was asking it. He knew. Maybe everyone knew. Grisha definitely knew. How did Shadis know that? It was because Shadis, himself, told Grisha. He thought back on the day of he and Carla's wedding. He had dropped by Carla's room to wish her good luck and stuff like that. She had been so happy to see him. 

"You're the only person I could talk anime with," she smiled that day. 

Keith smiled back, but it was more of a twitch. It didn't seem like Carla could tell the difference. He left and before the ceremony started he bumped into Grisha who was on his way to the inside of the church. 

"Grisha… I need to tell you something… Don't be angry, I just want you to know how lucky you are. I'm in love with Carla." 

Grisha nodded in acknowledgment, not a trace of rage in his eyes, only understanding, "I know." 

Keith had entertained the idea of yelling, "objection!" Running in dramatically proclaiming his love for her at the wedding but he knew he never would have done it. Those two little words had definitely sealed his fate. Grisha knew. Grisha had known Keith was in love with Carla all along. But Grisha was also genuinely in love with Carla. It's just the way things happened, it was the hand he was dealt. Keith clapped at the wedding and danced at the wedding and drank at the wedding and made merry at the wedding, but he hated the wedding. He hated being at the wedding. He went home from the wedding and sat down. What had his life been until then? Being completely honest he couldn't express what he was feeling that night. Maybe he wasn't feeling anything? Maybe he was feeling everything? He doesn't know. 

"It's this bar on the right, Kenny's." 

Keith groaned, interrupted from his trip down memory lane, "are you serious?" 

Yes, it was a bar, but it was one of those cool trendy bars where people meet for hookups and stuff. It was the kind of bar you had to be between twenty one and thirty to get into. Shadis was not any of those numbers. You could hear the loud music from outside and you could see the raging party going on inside. Shadis wanted to go home; he didn't even want a beer anymore. 

"Don't you think we're a little old for this bar?"

"Maybe you are but it can't be helped, this is where Levi works. Come on, just drink with me until he comes home with me." 

"Drink by yourself if you're planning to ditch me anyway." 

"I _have_ to go in with someone or Levi will know I'm coming specifically to see him. I don't want to give him that satisfaction." 

"You need to quit it with the mind games, one day it's gonna backfire and you'll lose an arm." 

"I won't make any jokes about you for a week." 

"… I've been craving a beer anyway." 

So they walked into the bar and were greeted by blaring music and screaming from college students and just out of college adults. Shadis was so ashamed of himself for even being there. He had work to do. There's always work to do. He should have just told Erwin no. Erwin immediately guided them to the actual bar where a very short but very attractive man was throwing bottles and glasses around, making drinks at high speed with amazing precision. He was humanity's greatest bartender, Levi Ackerman. His steely gaze and barely buttoned shirt had his tip jar overflowing with bills and phone numbers. Even Shadis was taken aback but his godly face. 

"Erwin, _that's_ Levi?" 

Erwin's face had completely changed from flirty and douchey to purposeful and handsome. He walked right up to the bar. The crowds of women parted at the sight of Erwin cuz damn it, Erwin is hot as oil on freshly microwaved popcorn. Sizzle. 

"Hello Mr. Smith, what will you and your friend have tonight?" 

His voice put a lump even in Shadis' throat. Do people that good looking really exist? The man was even lightly sweaty just from the heat produced by all the bodies in the room. He was so sultry and slutty and regal and provocative. Everything from the way his collarbones poked out from his shirt to the stoic side-glances from his grey eyes to the curl of his lip as he smirked like a devil visiting a woman in her dreams for sex. This man's aura screamed sex. It was almost too much to handle. 

But he wasn't Shadis' type. He was a gorgeous, sexy bar tender. He was walking perfection, he was special. Shadis wouldn't be able to handle that for more than the time he's spent staring at him. His eyes finally wondered away from Levi as he got used to his features. He remembered vaguely having a similar experience when he met Erwin. He had actually forgotten about it. Erwin's draw was his wholesome good looks and romantic appeal. Shadis has seen women literally swoon and fall into Erwin's arms just to know what it was like to be held in them. Old women would ask him for help crossing the street. Everyone had an advantage and they worked it just for a little interaction with Erwin Smith. Levi probably was the same. In that moment they both became considerably less attractive to Shadis. Underneath that angel face was a snarky, egocentric bastard and he assumed Levi was the same. 

"I'll have a brandy, he'll have a beer. Just put it on my tab." 

"Will you ever actually pay your tab?" 

"It's come to my attention that should I keep up these silly games I'll lose an arm. What do you say to that?" 

Levi smirked, "I'll meet you upstairs in ten." 

Levi went on to ready their drinks as well as make arrangements with the other bar tender, the bar's owner, Kenny. Kenny was an older man, maybe Keith's age, but he did not give off that impression. Kenny gave off the vibe of being a "cool dad." He had that ragamuffin look at first glance, like a homeless mercenary. But when you actually took a long look at him you could see it was intentional, from the grease in his hair to the stubble on his chin, to the cuts in his jeans. This man wanted to look like he rolled out of bed this way when the truth is he probably spent two hours getting ready. 

Erwin handed Shadis his beer and smiled, "this one's on me so drink up and leave whenever you're ready." 

"Whore," Shadis remarked raising the pint to his lips when someone knocked into him. 

"Oh sorry 'bout that buddy," the voice Shadis knew all too well said- then the voice realized it was Shadis they bumped into and started grinning, "So much for your date." 

"Hange, what are you doing here?" 

"I should ask you that baldy, I'm here with the squad," said squad posed as they were gestured to. 

"Guys! This is Shadis! The guy I was talking about!" 

"Hange, you can't be serious," one with an ugly mug and a bleeding tongue said. 

" _That's_ Shadis?" Asked a taller man with blonde hair parted in the middle. 

"He's so old," one with shoulder length red hair laughed. 

"He's kinda ugly," said one with buzzed down brown hair. 

Shadis sighed, "It's good to meet all of you. Please keep Hange away from me. I'll be leaving now." 

He set his beer down on the counter, not even taking a sip. He was totally put off by this place, the vibe, the smell, the- actually it's surprisingly clean in here? No matter the reason he was ready to go home and pass out on his couch. 

"Shadis, you don't have to go," Hange tried. 

Shadis stared at them, "I'm too old for this." 

They followed him outside, "They were just kidding, they're really very nice when you get to know them." 

"I don't have to get to know them, I'm too old to hang out with you kids anyway." 

"I don't think it's a problem!" 

Shadis stared at them for a long time before unlocking his car and getting inside. Hange ran around to his side and stared at him with pleading puppy dog eyes. He met them with his own cold but clueless ones. Erwin's voice rang out in the back of Shadis' mind. 

"Hey Hange… you… don't have a crush on me, do you?"

Shadis realized he said that out loud and quickly slammed his car door shut. Then he heard Hange laughing. Then he turned his car on and thought about running Hange over but was instead careful not to hit them as he sped away into the night. He drove so fast a police officer on a motorcycle started to follow him. Shadis had no respect for police on bikes so he used all of his tactical genius to ditch the cop. It totally worked, not to brag. He got to his apartment building, parked his car, and flew up the steps, into the elevator, and into his apartment. He sighed crashing on his couch. 

He couldn't remember the last time he had been so mortified. Maybe he could? Back in 5th grade when he told Marie he liked her and she laughed. Wasn't Nile married to her now? She picked Nile with his peanut butter and banana sandwich over him? That's really embarrassing. But that's not it. He liked Marie; he had a crush on Marie. So what was this Hange business? 

He rolled off the couch and walked into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and pulled out a banana and walked to the cabinet and pulled out some peanut butter and walked to the island counter and took out some bread. He could have a peanut butter and banana sandwich too if he wanted. He has everything he needs right here. He has all the qualifications. He sighed setting everything down. A crummy sandwich wouldn't be the answer to his problems. What problems did he even have? Did he say he was fine as he was? He was content not being special. Why didn't he feel that way now? 

He wondered over to the turnstile in the living room and put on a record. Yes, a record, he's really that old. Weren't kids these days into records? Maybe he was hip after all. Not after using slang like "hip." The only hip he had was one that would pop out of place eventually. Maybe he'll get it replaced? Growing old sucks. Yeah, he really couldn't be with Hange because when he's eighty Hange would be half his age. He would die well before Hange and there goes their youth. They'd end up just like he is now. Why Hange? Well they seem to be the topic of the evening. It's their fault he's feeling this way tonight. It's also Erwin's fault because Erwin put all these dumb thoughts in his head. 

He picked a record out of the case; a bouncy ragtag song started playing. Shadis laughed a little to himself. He picked this song of all songs? It's so corny and doesn't suit him at all. He tapped his foot and bopped along and started singing. Why did this song make him so happy? 

"Oh tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree. It's been three long years. Do you still want me? If I don't see a ribbon 'round the old oak tree I'll stay on the bus, forget about us, put the blame on me- if I don't see a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree." 

He caught his reflection in the glass of his window. He was smiling like a moron, singing like an idiot, holding an unpeeled banana. Smiling really doesn't suit a face like his. He looks scary, he thought to himself. He laughed at it anyway, walking back into the kitchen to make that God Damn peanut butter and banana sandwich. He ate that sandwich with pride as the song ended. It tasted like when he was a kid. It tasted like sweet, sweet rejection. He laughed at himself. That's all he really learned to do in school. What an idiot he is. He got over it. 

"Alright Keith, finish your sandwich and get ready for bed. I'm actually going to sleep in my bed for once… I should figure out where to get coffee tomorrow morning… I could try making it?" 

He looked at the coffee machine on his counter, "I work hard enough as it is, no need to push it. I'll just go somewhere else."

 **Wow this chapter was like double the length of the rest of them. The song "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" wasn't carefully chosen, I just listened to it and kind of laughed because it sort of suits Shadis. It's about a guy who goes off to war and leaves his sweet heart behind and when the was is over he writes to them letting him know that he still loves them and he's there if they want him? I feel like Shadis is kind of like that in this fic. This chapter was originally planned to go a completely different way but what you see here ended up being what I went with. I shouldn't plan chapters because they never end up as planned. The best part of this chapter for me was when Grisha was like "I know." I was like "you fucker." I say that a lot, especially with Erwin and Levi. I'm not sure what this fic is about but the more I write it the more I like it even if the pairing isn't popular or conventional. Leave me a Review I'm lonely XD**


	4. Ragers

**I stepped away from this story but it never left my mind. This last year I've been struggling with a lot of things and to be honest I just feel like Shadis. When I started writing this story I had nothing in mind. I just thought about a pairing I liked and how funny it seemed to me that Keith was bald and hoarded shampoo like his hair would magically grow back. I wanna get back into fanfiction and update some stories. Even though this one isn't popular I know what I wanna do now and I wanna write it. Thanks to anyone who reads it and double thanks to those who support it. I hope to make light of the hard things but bring light to them as well.**

Shadis didn't end up sleeping at all. No weird cat yoga pose helped in his seven hour quest to oblivion. Only now, when the sun was up, did he feel the least bit tired. He touched the sheets of his bed, thought about the night before, and became immediately upset. The feeling was heavy, like he was angry at something; the need to scream or cry out was equally present. It was worse that embarrassment but it wasn't too far off from that. He watched the ceiling fan swirl above him slowly and wished to be hypnotized into a coma.

He's old now. He knew that. He wasn't considered handsome. He was fully aware. Hange didn't have a crush on him, he didn't care. Really, honestly, he didn't. But something about being rejected by someone he wasn't even interested in rubbed him the wrong way. Maybe it was a heat of the moment thing last night? For a split second, he wanted Hange to like him. But what would that prove? Hange liking him wouldn't mean anything long term. Maybe the shine in their eyes reminded him of the shine in Carla's. Maybe he's just looking for ways to hurt himself. Maybe he just wants to believe in a trick if only to have something to do? He didn't drink the night before, but he wished he had if only to have an excuse as to why he felt the way he did. He wanted to throw up. He considered staying in bed all day but thought about his age and position.

"A stupid drunk kid laughed at me. Who cares… time to get up…"

He didn't move.

"One, two, three- GET UP!"

He stayed still.

Keith opted to just roll out of bed and lie on the floor a moment before making his way to the bathroom to look at his own reflection. It was clear he was going to need coffee to survive. He'd have to make due with the shit they served in the cafeteria, there was no way he could face Hange now. How the heck had he done it? What happened to make his form so grotesque? This morning he had managed to look worse than usual. Somehow his wrinkles were deeper, his bags were blacker, his scowl was more hateful. He was a terrible creature from the nightmares he had as a child. He was a nightmare. He was the future, happening live. He thought about his peanut butter banana smile last night. He couldn't imagine that smile on his face now.

Shadis hurried and took a shower, grabbing the shampoo and chucking it at the wall leaving and ugly scuff and splatter of product he'd have to clean up and paint over later. He dried off and got dressed, looking at his coffee machine on the way out.

"Fuck you coffee machine," he muttered to it.

He shoved his feet into his shoes and slammed the door behind him stomping away toward the elevator… and then turning right back around to lock the door behind him.

"Fuck you door," he mumbled, futzing with his keys.

He got into the elevator, which stopped on every floor on the way down. Not a single one of his neighbors wanted to get into the elevator with him, insisting they'd take the next one. He radiated aggression, as if he were possessed. He was possessed. He was a demon of the night! He was a warrior spirit on a path to destruction! He was… probably just going to get over the whole thing after he enjoyed some crap cup of hospital coffee. Keith was fuming but he also knew that he was never really good at holding a grudge. As he made his way to his car he felt like bashing his head into the concrete. Why was he such an idiot? He was too old to be this way. Why did he have to even muse over Erwin's bogus taunts? Hange didn't like him AND HE DIDN'T CARE!

Once inside his car he squeezed his eyes shut and furrowed his eyebrows. He gripped the steering wheel so hard his tan knuckles turned a yellow-green-white. His face felt hot and his brain turned into soup. Eventually his body couldn't take the tension and relaxed all at once, his head resting on the horn, which then blared through the early morning parking garage. He groaned suddenly calming and hearing the horn. He sat up and went limp in the driver's seat before silently putting his key in the ignition, turning it, and leaving the 3rd floor parking. He listened to Tom Waits on his way to work and wondered why he listened to so many tin-can style songs? He pulled into the parking lot of the cafe where Hange worked.

His body brought him here from habit. He groaned, he forgot he was that sort of creature. But then he looked at himself again in one of the mirrors of his car. He took in a deep breath, held it, and let it out. He was already here. Just get the coffee you like and get out.

"Be quick, you're a mature adult. It was a simple misunderstanding and also who cares anyway. Hange probably doesn't even remember it. They probably thought it was a joke. One big joke. Everything is a joke. Besides, one must support their local businesses… or something."

He got out of his car and entered the establishment, moving as stiffly as the tin man. Hange was there, seeming to nurse a hangover. Their face was in their hands as they took orders and for once he couldn't hear their usually screaming. Hange was using an actual inside voice. Served them right, he thought. Why does watching the person who did you wrong suffer make one suddenly believe in God? Keith wasn't entirely sure but he thanked whomever was out there, even the illuminati, for watching over him.

"Good morning Hange," he said flatly, "the usual."

"Morning… Coming right up…" They seemed to not even have bones, Hange was so limp and dead.

"Hangover that bad?"

"Like Sawney Bean eating into my brain. This must be how Athena was born."

Keith nodded only understanding part of what they said (not exactly out of the ordinary). He felt kinda bad for Hange. They were clearly suffering. He wondered then, what would Hange be like if they hadn't drank so much the night before. Would they ask how he was or make fun of him? Looking at the college student now Shadis felt ashamed. Hange was always nice to him; even if their brand of nice wasn't really the kind he wanted. They were weird and a little obnoxious but not mean spirited. Could thoughts like this be part of being old? He can always get over things pretty easily but this was fast even for him, right? He felt proud of himself in that moment, like he had evolved in some way. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a Vitamin C packet he carried in case he was hungover or on the verge of a cold and needed to go to work. It was time to put all of this to bed… and then himself tonight. With his next word he pictured his comfy couch and tomorrow morning's sun making him even tanner.

"Take this with some water later."

They turned around with the coffee and looked at the packet, "Oh. Thank you."

They tried to sound chipper but failed miserably, "Don't worry about it, Hange. Believe it or not, I was 23 with a hangover once too."

"You remembered my age," this seemed to genuinely make Hange happy. He supposed anyone remembering details about anyone would make them happy. He wondered if it would make him happy?

He handed them a ten, "keep the change and feel better. Later."

He walked away from the counter with just a coffee. He felt weirdly better. As he thought, Hange was just an idiot kid. He shouldn't take things like that so personally. He got into his car and drove the rest of the way to work. He managed to beat Erwin to work and sat in his office enjoying his coffee. He looked out the window and tried to see the coffee shop where Hange worked but then scrapped the idea and sat back down to try and work. He opened the lowest left desk drawer and mindlessly reached behind the files for the wig Hange gave him. He looked at it, not putting it on and then putting it back. It was already dusty from the inside of the drawers. He should clean them.

"Hange," he said out loud spinning in his chair, messing with the wig in his hands, "Hangeeeeee. That doesn't even sound like a name."

He placed the wig back in his desk and powered on his computer. Time to work. Keith finished his coffee as he sorted through papers and contracts. Then he looked through the budget to see if it would be possible to hire any new physicians. Currently… no. The Hospital was built underneath one of those grand highway bridges. It was a good hospital but the location and lack of brand name made it less desirable. He looked at his empty coffee cup.

"Gotta support your local businesses," he said tossing the cup out.

He thought about the bar from last night and bopped his head, wondering what kind of music they were playing. Normally he hates that sort of popping-hopping-jumping noise but maybe he was getting tired of his rustic Johnny Cashes and late night Nickelbacks… that last one was guilty pleasure purely. Maybe Erwin would know? No! He'd rather die than ask him.

 **Short chapter is short but yeah. I hope to get back into this story. Thanks everyone!**


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